Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize