At least make sure they are 18
Why
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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