Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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