so that wasnt chicken after all
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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