It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize