apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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