yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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