She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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