you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You ate ashes out of my bong
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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