I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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