I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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