I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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