i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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