Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
