Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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