I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The power of my boobs compel you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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