drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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