So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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