Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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