He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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