i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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