so explain again why im purple
no
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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