Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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