I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
time to smoke my breakfast
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize