my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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