Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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