Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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