I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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