you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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