I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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