the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize