there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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