P.S. I can't hear my feet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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