Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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