If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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