Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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