I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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