In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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