He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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