over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize