don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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