We're facebook friends in real life
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Randomize