Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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