Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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