her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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