My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize