Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize