i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When are your genitals available?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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