i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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