writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize